Here are some absurd and embarrassing questions that you might get, when going through IVF and equally absurd and embarrassing answers.
1. Q: Are you going to have children?
A: I hope so, and soon. I am sore! We are doing it every night, in every position. Last night, he had me in this chair thing that hangs from the ceiling, so he could jam that sperm in there and hopefully have it stay put. So far, no luck, though. Would love your advice. Tell me about the sexual positions that you did to conceive your child. You seem like a top, are you?
2. Q: So why do you have to do IVF?
A: Well, we don’t have to. We just saw what naturally conceived children turn out. I mean, you know.
3. Q: Are your twins natural or from IVF?
A: They are natural. We were doing it doggie style and he got so deep in me that when he ejaculated, I think he split the egg in two. It was with such force. I thought he split me in two! I was even sweating.
4. When you tell someone that you are doing IVF and they say, “You will get pregnant when you just stop trying so hard. I know it. It happened to my friend.”
A: Actually, my husband has low sperm count, so I will get pregnant when I start banging someone else’s husband. Is yours available? It would really do me a solid. IVF is sooooo expensive.
5. Q: Can you pick the eye color, hair color, and sex of a genetically tested embryo?
A: Yup. And more. You get a whole checklist of traits that you can select. It is just like ordering a salad.
Any other absurd and embarrassing questions you get that you need answers to? Post them to my Facebook page, or email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) with the question, “Please offer an absurd and embarrassing response to this absurd and embarrassing question….”
Looking forward to helping any way I can!