“The most effective change requires doing things differently both on a mental and a physical level.” - Episode 17 (4:40-4:49)
Kate Rouze, our mindset and relationship coach for the FU Project Workshop, teaches women how to improve their mindsets and relationships during the crazy fertility process.
This was the topic for my latest episode of the FU Project podcast. You can listen here.
The key to changing your life is to realize that you can actually change and that there is a huge mind-body connection. This happens when you break the internal victim dialogue of “I am this, because this happened.” Where are you on the Drama Triangle?
The Drama Triangle: Victim, Villain, Hero
You are in Drama Triangle anytime you criticize yourself or someone else, are stressed out, or have repeating emotions and thoughts.
The Drama Triangle model, created by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s, represents three different roles you can play while in drama:
Victim - “Poor me, I can’t …”
Villain - “It’s all your fault; if you would do this, then I could ...”
Hero - “Let me help you, because you’re incapable.”
When filling one of these roles on the Drama Triangle, anyone you are interacting with will play one of the other two roles. Most of us are in some version of the Drama Triangle dance all day long, every day, with everybody.
“Everything on the Drama Triangle is a flavor of victim. The antidote to victim is empowerment, which is saying, “I am creating my life.’”
(EP 17 33:59-34:10)
While you can’t choose what someone else says or does, you can choose how it affects you. You can choose to be a victim or you can choose to grow and be stronger because of it.
Relationships and the Fertility Journey
The most frequent relationship question we get from women on the fertility journey is how to get more support from their partner. If you’re asking this question, the answer is simple. If you want more of something, start by appreciating what you already have. It’s when we start thinking we have a lack that relationships go downhill.
“I receive exactly the amount of support that I am capable of receiving. So if I want more support, my job is not to go tell my partner what they’re doing wrong. My job is to go inside and expand my own capacity to receive.”
The fertility journey can bring tension and friction into our relationship with our partner. When this happens, awareness is the first step to change. Often the issue at hand isn’t the REAL problem. When you give yourself the space to look at the underlying issue, you’ll understand yourself and your partner in a new way. It’s amazing to see how this intentionality can melt away those issues that have caused one million fights for partners over the years.
The Most Important Skill for Women Struggling with Fertility
The fertility journey brings up every edge in your psyche that you haven’t been willing to address. The most important skill you can learn is to flow with and then let go of those emotions so that you’re not carrying around stress, anger, bitterness, and resentment.
This fertility stuff is intense. Women who choose to work through these issues have a strong chance of getting what they want because they’ve allowed themselves to receive the support they need. Give yourself the freedom to dig deep, adjust your mindset, and take one step closer to holding that precious baby in your arms.
With thanks & love,
How to get involved
If you would like more information about The FU Project and my mission to get you pregnant so much faster and smarter than I did, please check out my website.
If you liked this episode, be sure to subscribe and leave a quick review on iTunes. It would mean the world to hear your feedback and we’d love for you to help us spread the word. There are so many women suffering in silence that could use this help and support.